Year-End Cafe Reflections

2023 is almost here and we're still standing!

Hello readers,

I guess I was totally wrong when I said you’d hear from me at least monthly.. sorry about that. Somehow I managed to be “busy” with only one class and work three days a week this semester. Something I’m really good at is making excuses and you’ll learn that pretty quick. I’m also really good at saying sorry too much so I’m gonna try not to do that here and just keep writing when I can.

I am currently sitting in a cafe back home in New Jersey and I’m feeling pretty awesome. I’m in a chunky blue sweater, my favorite boots, and I’m wearing lipstick. I wonder if these people think I look like this every day. That would be pretty cool but I definitely don’t, so this feels like a special occasion. And in a way, it is. It’s one of the last days of 2022 and I’m still standing and I’m here by myself… and I’m happy. I see people I think I recognize and I smile, and realize I’m wrong. I watch people on dates and families reuniting. I watch people search for a seat because it’s so crowded. It’s always kind of awkward when you’re standing still and scanning the room while everyone looks at you. Or maybe it’s just kind of normal.

I like watching people order their drinks and light up when their order is called out. My lipstick stain on my cup makes me feel pretty. The couple across from me looks like they’re fighting but they’ll be fine. They’re both really attractive. Next to me is a little kid and a woman who I assume is his mother. The kid is doing homework on his laptop in a cafe at 11(?) years old. That’s pretty cool. He’ll have a good life. What I think I like most about this place is how long it takes for orders to be made. This is no Starbucks. There is one person behind the counter and he makes every drink with love.. or maybe he’s new. I think I’m going to make a cheesy metaphor now.

I want my new year to look like this cafe.

Busy, loud, crowded, romantic, warm, slow, and full of coffee. Art on the walls. People coming and going. Bathrooms for everyone. Seats where you can sit for a long time. Fun outfits and opportunities. Learning from listening. Dogs coming into the building? Why not?

When I sit here, I get to be mysterious and people get to guess what I’m doing. Am I writing a book? Applying for jobs? Doing homework? Sending an angry email? Writing a bad review? Nope. Just writing to my 34 subscribers (whom I appreciate very much).

I like time alone because it gives me a chance to reflect and be grateful. This year was really kind to me. If you know me, you know that 2021 wasn’t as kind. It was actually really mean at times. In 2021, I was diagnosed with OCD. I’ll save the drama but let’s just say it was pretty brutal and there was a lot I needed to learn and grow through. I also went through a breakup and that’s always annoying. In 2022, I was strong. I learned how to be kind to myself and how to cope when things in my head got noisy. I was also surrounded by the most incredible friends I could ever wish for. And my amazing family of course. I learned that I played an important part in peoples’ lives and learned that I deserved to heal. So I healed. I don’t know if I’ve ever really acknowledged that until now. I guess that’s why I’m wearing lipstick today.

(Ok I totally lied up there.. kid just spilled his drink all over his laptop.)

Something exciting that happened this year was completing my Bachelors Degree! How am I going to use it? No clue. But I did it and I’m really proud of myself. I’m really happy that I was able to enjoy my college years. I spent high school trying to achieve absolute perfection and I’m glad I was able to focus on more important things once I started college. I celebrated in a pink cap and gown and called it a day. Thank you college.

Another 2022 milestone of mine was being single for an entire year. This doesn’t sound like a crazy accomplishment but for a girl who used to need a lot of male validation, it’s pretty big. I’ll talk about this some other time but for now, I will share a New Years kiss with my champagne glass! All sloppy and romantic.

My last noteworthy accomplishment of 2022 was chopping my hair off. Like 13 inches type chop. It was spontaneous and I often regret it but it has taught me to love myself in all my phases and to be patient. It grows back after all.

This year I traveled. I worked. I loved and lost. I laughed and cried. (blah blah blah). I watched too much TV. I ate lots of Italian subs. I discovered new music. I learned new things. I stayed up too late and never regretted it. I danced and I sang and I took pictures of all of it. 2022 was really really good to me. I don’t feel like I deserved it all but I think my 2021 self did.

Like this cafe, 2023 will be different every day. Some days will be loud and others will be quiet. Sometimes the coffee is gonna suck and other days it will be perfect. People will come and go. But I will always have me. Stronger, happier, lipsticked me.

So tell me. How did 2022 treat you? What was a hard lesson you learned? What did you have to let go of? I want to know!

Thank you for being patient with me and reading what I have to say. Happy New Year!

See you soon.

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This week’s consumption: 

I’d be lying if I said I was reading anything at the moment but I’m going to start The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz as soon as I press “publish”.

Watching:

• One Tree Hill

  • Mine and my sister’s show whenever we’re together.

• Avatar: The Way of Water

  • Seen this one twice already (somehow) and I loved it. Absolutely wild.

Listening: